When I knew that Connor was the man I was going to marry, I knew that I would be taking his name. Changing my last name was never a question for me. I didn’t weigh the pros and cons, I didn’t feel guilty for being one of two daughters, and thus being the end of the line for the family name, and I certainly didn’t feel like I would be losing my identity.
No, taking my husband’s name meant something else to me entirely. Something good and full of love.
I certainly understand why women put a great deal of time and effort into making this decision. Taking your husband’s name is a big deal, and it really shouldn’t be done lightly.
And the decision that women make regarding this life-changing decision should reflect what is right for them. There is no right or wrong answer, because it is such a deeply personal decision. I mean, it is their name, their identity, after all.
I did put a lot of thought into it. I thought about what I was going to do from a young age. That’s how I knew, when the time was right, that my maiden name would be just that: a representation of my pre-marital self.
It just made sense to me. It made sense that I would unite with my husband in marriage and take his last name. But, I did not do so lightly or just because of tradition; I did it because of the many reasons that resonated with my heart and with my intentions for marriage.
Because it’s a way of symbolizing a fresh start into a new life. The day I married my husband was the day that my life changed. And it changed for the better. I will never be the same woman that I was before I became a wife. I am not forgetting or disowning the woman I was before I married my husband, but I am starting this chapter of my life with a new identity that better fits this chapter of my life.
Because, when we have kids, we want to share a name that represents our family unity. This was important to both my husband and I. Because Connor is in the Army, we know that our children will experience many inconsistencies in their life. But we know that there are many other things that we do have control over. One consistency that we want our children to always know is the strength and unity of our family. A shared family name is a way of representing that.
Because my husband and I are partners. When we got married, we became partners in everything. We’re the closest of teammates. I felt that having the same last name reflects the fact that we are united as a team. It’s like when you join a sports team… you don’t lose your identity or your talents, but you take on the name and, thus, the character of that team that you joined. That’s what happened when I took my husband’s name; I didn’t lose my identity, I’m just choosing to unite under the same team name.
Because of God’s word in Mark 10:8-9… “and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” It is written that God created my husband and I to be united as one. In everything. Sharing the same name is a wonderful way to honor God’s will for us to be united in an inseparable bond.